LETTING GO

One more block and I’d be at Siena’s lovely condo home. Finally as my taxi eased into the driveway, I felt good about the meeting; I was anticipating a wonderful time with the ladies and, of course, the usual mouth-watering buffet of delectable dishes laid out for us to enjoy. She tries out new culinary recipes on us every time we gather for our monthly pocket reunions-- typically Siena. The big one comes in December when we have the men and children with us. Well, so much more goes on in these pocket reunions than in the big party with our families along. Remember that one when Marcia made her revelation and inspiring monologue?--Lol that was a good one. It sure gave us something to think about long after that special moment was gone.

So I’m here now sitting in the charmingly decorated living room with a fantastic view of the business area below. We’re on the fourteenth flour and that speaks for itself – the whole panoramic view of this side of the city and the mountain ranges from afar! Always takes my breath away. But then it was time to join the ladies at the table. Hmmm, I seem to be the older one of the crop. Not so far apart but still older…Ugh! Well, I tore myself away from that blissful view and went to them. As expected, they were already deep in women’s chatter. So predictable, oh boy! The food – another predictable thing! And what did I take this time? Predictably pasta! LOL this time though in white creamy sauce, with asparagus tips, mushrooms and sweet corn bits.

And do you know what happens when I’m deep in something as scrumptious as a plate of gourmet pasta? Conversation becomes serious. Ugh! I hate it when they do that. How in heaven’s name can anyone enjoy his food with something like that? Somebody tell me?!! Oh well! So defeated… gently I pushed my plate away, shifted position, and lent my reluctant ear to Sylvia-- the rest already intently listening to her. What was she saying? See this…

“You can’t hang on to things forever. No matter how you may try, favorite things can’t be there for you forever. Either you outgrow them or it outgrows you. This happens with people, too. Ed and I have broken up. I tried to not make this happen but it seems that nothing works anymore. He has also done everything possible to save the relationship but finally has given up, too. But I won’t delve into reasons for things going wrong or on who is to blame or whether we have done enough or not. That’s not important anymore. Instead I want you to know that no matter how painful it was to me --- I have learned to let go. If it means letting go of a lot of things attached to it-- the warmth of his company, the fun times together, the shared anxieties and worries over problems, the walks in the park, the little sweet nothings, my irritation of seeing him forgetting his car keys inside the car every time, his irritation of waiting till I finish my dressing after a dozen changes, his exasperation over my inability to balance my account, and my bewilderment over his penchant for wearing leather jackets in hot weather—I will and I must. I thought I couldn’t but I just did – let go. Remember when we were kids in my mom’s garden? I had this tiny moth in my hand. You, Lena, told me to close my hand so that it wouldn’t fly away. While Siena said not to because it might get hurt. Eventually we let it free to fly while we cheered it on. Well, now I hope to hear those cheers again despite seeing the pain, too. You see I have understood and I hope that you would, too-- that holding on would only serve no good purpose but inflict more pain or prolong it. Eventually I have to let go.”

Letting go—I guess she’s right. I know how difficult it is to let go of sons and daughters trying out their wings in the world outside, or parents and loved ones who have gone off ahead of us to their final destination, or favorite people who have to move on to where life is taking them anew-- and in her case, to accept that a relationship has come to an end. But we must. Sometimes --holding on tightly or too long smother the plans of your life or another’s. We can’t impose our desires on another soul because that soul may have its own path to tread. Now if and when our paths would cross, let us appreciate and be thankful of the privilege of sharing life with someone. And if it should one day end by some stroke of fate, let us then have the wisdom to release it to the universe and be grateful of the experience.

“Oh my, moths are safe in your hands, Sylvia.” Siena spoke up breaking the brief silence. “Then here’s to moths and Sylvia; may the twain always meet!” rejoined Marcia laughing heartily and raising her orange juice for a toast. Amid clinking of juice glasses and laughter, I caught Sylvia’s eye on me – waiting. Meeting her gaze I smiled and nodded ‘Wish you all the best. You’ll be just fine.”

And the next thing she did? – gave me a fresh plate of my favorite pasta!! Yup-yup, pasta girl – that’s me!!


posted on Thursday, March 02, 2006 12:55 PM