Deedee sat across me. Pretty, not yet in love but hopes to be someday – with the right man. “So what’s your idea of a right man?” I asked her over coffee. In a flash she rattled off a long list describing her ‘Mr. Right’. Then after that she turned the question back at me; smart kid huh?!. :-)
“Let’s try this first, and then I’ll tell you.” I replied.
‘Mr. Right’ is explained as an image of perfection --- Looks, thoughts, behavior, personal history, lineage, performance, character, and everything else that completes the whole package called person -- which you have put together in your mind. To you nothing he does would or could be wrong -- even if he is found to be entirely indeed wrong. And this image you have conjured of that person holds you in its sway gripping you tight and blocking out anything or everything which would try to change your mind or heart. Nothing else comes in, nor goes out your self-created ‘fantasy’. You stay rooted and believing in what you have created. But then who can hope to change that seeing how you -- swoon – sigh – adore – pay homage – and fall in love with the image you now call ‘Mr. Right. That makes you smile I can see. :-)
I’m no expert though on the subject of love and lovers. But come to think of it, nobody is. Because the subject is inexplicable even to wise men and how much less to fools. Although I have loved and lost, was loved but loved not, loved and was loved in return just like everybody else. I think though that what I know about that would also be the same things others have known before me and others yet would come to know after me. Makes the world go round, doesn’t it? I love it. It’s old but the experience makes it new every time.
Think about this. If you are guided by your fantasy or conjured image of the ‘right’ man or woman, you could be in for some bit of disappointment. Why do I say that? Because always there will be another who is lovelier, more dashing and attractive, suitable, ideal, and seemingly perfect that would come after the person you think is the perfect one. There will always be another better person than the one you have found. So then would your idea of ‘right’ shift each time a better girl or boy comes along? Would that be called ‘love’?
Presuming that you have finally found someone to love, but he falls short of your set prerequisites – remember your fantasy of Mr. Right? What then would you do? Hold back on loving that person despite truly feeling love? Restrain yourself from going head-over-heels in love? Hang-on secretly to that old ‘fantasy’ while pretending to love the present one? I think that’s just asking for a heartache – his and yours.
Forget Mr. Right (or Ms. Right, for the gentlemen). He doesn’t exist. Setting up prerequisites or criteria or benchmark for one to be worthy of your love is not the way of love. Instead why don’t you make the person you meet and love someday -- the right one…? Regardless if he forgets to buy you a bouquet of roses on your birthday, didn’t go to law school, whose parents aren’t well-off, who is short stocky and has a Cyrano de Bergerac nose, and drives a wobbly old jalopy. I am sure that he has much more to offer you than those silly trappings of life. See that he offers you his heart? None can ever be more Mr. Right than that!
Deedee, finishing off the last bite of the apple pie we ordered, stood up and made to go saying “Got to go”.
“Hey! Don’t you want to hear bout my list?” I said with feigned anger.
“Nope…… Because you don’t have one!” She replied laughingly.
“And where do you think you’re going?” I countered.
“There’s a wonderful man I have to see.” She beamed with a twinkle in her eye.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, everyone! May God fill your Love Day with all the love your precious heart can hold. J
posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 8:09 AM